Bonobo

I haven't posted in a month. Not that anyone reads my blog, anyway. Blogs are crap - everyone knows that.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because of the following things:

1) It's my birthday in... like... 8 days.

2) I'm going to buy myself an iPod on the aforementioned birthday (which is mine) (on the second of october)

3) I've spent all evening sorting out iTunes in advance to the purchase of the aforementioned iPod (which will be of the "new" "classic" variety) (and black) (and 80gb)

4) I like Bonobo.

5) Bonobo's bootleg "Sweetness" does not have album art.

6) I did one:
I know it's not great [read: any good at all] but I thought "what's the point in telling my non-existent readers what I've done if they can't see the result?!"

I did another one that's even worse. You won't be seeing it.

[edit: I made it in Adobe Fireworks, if anyone reads and then starts to care]

Irrelevant Exam Results

Yesterday, I got my GCSE exam results. As everyone knows, as long as you're not so stupid as to leave school immediately after these exams, they're useless. My useless grades were:

Maths: A
English Language: A
English Literature: A
ICT: A
Science (Double course): BB
Statistics: B
Geography: B
RS (Short course): B
Design and Technology - Graphic Products: B
German: A hilarious C.

And that is the last I will need to speak of them.

I went to reading today to pick up a pair of shoes, and ended up grabbing a pair of dark grey-ish blue Vans slip-ons. I would normally avoid Vans, but at £20, I didn't see why I should avoid them further.

Of course, the place was packed because of all the smelly, muddy Reading Festival indie-kids. I hate those kids SO MUCH.

Screw you, Stumbleupon users. Screw you to hell!

Wow. I can't believe it's been a week.

NEXT TIME I GET A TOWER DEFENCE GAME ON STUMBLE UPON, HOSTAGES START DYEING.

Happy.

Today, I did not have a single moronic customer.

That makes me a very happy Jamie.

Although I did almost lose my swiss army knife forever, and I did spend 1.5 hours assembling a wheelbarrow without instructions.

"Holy Shite, Jamie. What Is That Monstrosity?"

This is a Renault Avantime


Someone at Renault must have thought "Why don't we make a coupé... based on the Espace MPV?!"

Because that would be a stupid idea, Renault man. No-one will buy it.

Actually, about 8500 people bought it, but sod-all (about 300) were sold in Britain. This makes it one of the rarest modern production cars in the country. This is why it is blog-worthy.

Wikipedia entry

And I Can't Find A New Battery On Ebay, Either.

This is my MP3 player:


I got a Sony Ericsson w880i a couple of months ago, and I've only just started using that Sony NW-A1000 again, and the battery only lasts about 5 hours.

This makes me very angry.

Nanny State

Okay. Please don't call me a mental, because I've heard that too many times today.

I had a thought a while ago about fingers. Yeah.

Have you ever thought about how many times schools try to nick samples of your fingerprints?

Age 6: At my first school, we did hand prints. Innocent hand prints.

Age 9: Second school. We set up a mini crime lab in the class. Everyone got their fingerprints "on file", so we could see who committed the fictional crime.

Age 13: My third school were a bit more up-front about it. They tricked us all into giving them our prints - through a proper fingerprint scanner - in order to replace library cards.

Now the government are enforcing it! Bobbies and all!
[via uruknet.de]

This is just wrong. Unless they're trying to stop a Blade Runner-esque situation occuring. That would scare the bollocks off of me.

Paranoia... Setting In... Can't... Fight... It!

They guys from Stupid Fucking Customers are on to me.

This cloud

There has been a cloud outside my house for a while now. I can't think how to get rid of it, and it's blocking the sun.

Fuck right off, cumulonimbus!

Not So Hot

Today is not as hot as it was yesterday.

I woke up at 11:11 today. That's actually far too early for me. Now I have to find things to do until I can sleep. It also means that I will need to have more food and drink than usual.

Waking up in the late morning can fuck right off.

My Friend, The Arm.

Today, the arm from the picture of Broadway will be visiting me. We are going to go on a bike ride if the temperatures dip to a point where the bikes won't melt.

It's fucking hot!

Cats

I do not live in New York. That is what they call the high street in St. Johns, Surrey.

You can't make this shit up!

Work

Yesterday, I heard a customer, about 3 feet behind me, say to their friend/relative/guide dog "Let's ask this young lady for help.".

There are a few things I thought were wrong with this statement

1) Customer thought I was female. I am male. There is definitely something quite incorrect here.

2) Customer called me "young...". When a customer calls me "young man", I get fucking angry. I work there, I put up with their bollocks, and hence I deserve the respect to be called "sir" or "this man".

3) They used the "Passive Request" technique. I also call this the Mousy Coward technique. It involves a customer making it very obvious that they are too thick to solve their own problems, without them actually asking for help.

Understandably, I was quite angry with this fucking moron, so I acted accordingly.

Now would be a good time to mention that the garden centre I work at is a big place. It takes old people hours, sometimes months (!) to finish what they set out to do there.

So I helped this woman. I told her to wait where she was for 10 minutes, and if no-one showed up, to go to information, right by the entrance. That's a good 20 minutes of this old bat's day that I wasted.

It's okay though, because she looked like she probably supports seal-clubbing.

Obligatory Introductory Post

Welcome to Things That Occur. This is the aforementioned obligatory introductory post. Don't expect spelling or grammar to get much better than this, as I am a lazy git who will generally try to avoid english teachers from now on (Hi, Mrs Colby!).

I'm still ironing out the kinks right now, but they keep distracting me with some toss about Waterloo (it's a music joke!), so give it a few posts before it starts to come together.